getting a girl to say yes

Reader A. F. writes:

I’ve asked this girl out twice and she won’t go out with me. What should I do?

Dear A.F.:

No really does mean no

Turn that frown upside-down! Image: photostock / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

You’re clearly going about this the wrong way. Girls don’t want to be asked — they want to be forced. Cave men used to club their women over the head. You should learn to do the same, but in a more modern way.

First of all, be where she is all the time. This may take a bit of work, because she’ll probably try to hide from you. You probably know where she works and where she likes to hang out; just be there. You don’t even have to talk to her, you can just hang out. Sit in your car across the street when she’s at home. She’ll notice. It’ll also be like you’re on a date, without having had to ask.

Next up, send her emails, Facebook chats and messages, and actual snail mail so she’ll remember you when you can’t physically be there. Snail mail is particularly good, because it shows that you’ve got a romantic, old school spirit, and also that you know where she lives.

Another good idea is to make sure you’re friends with all her friends, family, and even distant relatives. If you can’t meet them in real life, be friends with them on Facebook or Myspace. Then they can tell her what a great guy you are, and she’ll know that you know everyone she knows. Also, you can get her phone number from one of her friends and call her a few times a day, or send her a text just to say hi.

Finally, make sure you take every opportunity to touch her. Give her hugs, brush her hand, or just be really close to her. In fact, the next time you’re at a party or something, make sure you get her kind of alone. Totally alone would probably be really hard, because you’re at a party, but get her on a couch somewhere and just go in for the kiss. Girls like courage! Plus, after you’ve spent so much time making yourself known to her, how could she resist?

I did one of my unscientific polls, and all of my friends said the number one thing you could do in this situation is show up at her house, even if she’s not expecting you and you’ve never been there before.

As a last resort, you could collect her hair and make a doll out of it. I’ve heard voodoo works wonders.

Good luck!


3 Responses to “getting a girl to say yes”

  1. 2 richard
    April 2, 2011 at 9:19 pm

    I know this is a day late, but…

    Snail mail is fine but oh so slow! Far better to simply put your messages directly in her mailbox yourself and you get to save the cost of a stamp and envelope. It’s important to put them in early in the morning so she can find them when she goes to mail stuff. If she doesn’t, and your surely watching to see her joyous expression, then take it back out so the mailman doesn’t steal it or pretend it’s from him because you KNOW that bastard wants her. Anyways, replace it promptly after the mailman passes by. Also, the post office is kinda weird about delivering things like severed ears and jars of tears.

    Also, try to find a way to watch her at night. Women love that. Sadly she won’t know about it until you tell her and she won’t believe you unless you have proof. Like pictures or a detailed description of what she wore and what she did when. That kind of stuff. Coincidentally, this will give you something to leave in her mailbox in the morning. Two birds with one stone! Who said romance can’t be efficient? Luckily, you only have to tell her once, but she’ll appreciate regular reminders. It’s like sending flowers.

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