03
Dec
10

romance for him

Reader A. G. writes:

What’s a good way to do something romantic for a guy?

Dear A.G.:

That’s a good question. I think in our culture we tend to view romance as a means to an end, i.e. a way for a guy to seduce a girl so she’ll sleep with him. And since guys don’t generally need as much impetus to get sexyfied as women do, we tend not to think men need romance.

But why not?

Romance is used to make someone feel loved and to help them relax (which can lead to sex, of course, although it doesn’t have to). I can’t think of a single reason why men wouldn’t enjoy that as much as women do.

you hold the romance

Image: Salvatore Vuono / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

For the most part, the “romantic” acts that a man would enjoy are probably the same as (or at least similar to) those a woman would enjoy: special warmth, special foods, special clothes. Think of what would be romantic for you and then try to do that for him. Okay, yes, most guys won’t be as thrilled about flowers as a girl might be, but the line of thinking is similar: here is something that made me think of you. That’s what’s romantic.

Also, the element of surprise can be very important to romance. Spontaneity makes the act that much more exciting. Don’t tell him you’re planning something romantic. There’s no need to make it a big, expensive get away. Do something simple but unexpected. It’s a way to let him know you’re paying attention.

And it’s a great way to let him know you’re interested in getting frisky, too. We can’t forget that aspect.

Here are a few more specific ideas for how a girl can really make things special for a guy in a romantic way:

Make him dinner.

This is more romantic than going out to dinner because a) you don’t have to worry about who pays, and b) you have total control over the environment – music, candles, no other visitors, bed in the next room… Make something special that takes a bit more work than you normally go in for. Even if you’re a terrible cook, what makes this romantic is the fact that you tried to do something you don’t normally do in order to make things nice for this guy. So if you burn the rice and overcook the chicken,  you can go eat something at McDonald’s and it’ll still have been a romantic evening.

Draw him a bath.

A lot of things we girls do to relax are things boys would enjoy if they would just let themselves do it. Make him take a bath with pretty scented oils, lit candles, and a glass of wine. He probably won’t fight you on it. And afterwards, for added fun, you can give him a massage with a nice massage oil (or a massage oil candle — might as well put that candle to work!).

Give up on self-criticism for a night.

As ladies, we tend to be extremely self-critical. Being confident and comfortable can be extremely romantic. Make a point of not saying “I’m fat” or “ugh, I hate my thighs” or any number of the other things you say (perhaps because you believe them, or perhaps because you’re looking for attention). Instead, focus a few hours on him. Entirely. Let him do all the talking. Ask him questions about his day or something he cares about. Just take the focus off your insecurity for a while. This is a good way to go through life, actually. You may find that if you focus your energy on something other than hating yourself, you stop hating yourself.

Get dolled up.

Speaking of canning the insecurities, why not get yourself a nice piece of lingerie or a really cute dress and wear it just for him? If he’s dating you, chances are he likes looking at you, and he probably can’t even see all the junk you think is wrong with yourself. So suck it up and put on something sexy. Remember: you’re doing something romantic for him. Think of him.

There are loads of other great ideas for you to add some romance to his day. Remember: it doesn’t have to be expensive, or fancy, or over-planned. Just have fun, and chances are, he’ll be completely romanced.

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