10
Sep
10

girls with boyfriends

Reader D.K. writes:

I went to a party this weekend and met a very beautiful woman. She was a professor and studying to get her PHD. We talked for most of the night and eventually she said, “You seem like an interesting person, I’d like to get your number so we could talk more.” I didn’t even have to ask for hers! No sooner did she do this than her bf walked up. He was a really tall skinny drink of water. And while I’m no prize myself I was clearly better looking than he. Question is, should I follow up on this or should I steer clear of some potential drama?

Dear D.K.:

My immediate answer is: steer clear of the drama! One of my personal rules is that I won’t get involved romantically with someone who is in a “committed relationship”, whether it’s bf-gf, marriage, or whatever in between. Even open relationships are off limits to me most of the time, just because I don’t want to deal with the drama. I have no problem with other people doing whatever they want, but I personally will refuse to be “the other woman” in any situation. I also don’t have a competitive bone in my body, so if a guy expresses that he even likes another girl, he is all hers in my head.

That said, your own morality must dictate your actions here. If you feel you can withstand the kind of drama that is inevitably going to result, and you have no qualms being “the other guy”, go for it.

Magical

I'm sure she's magical. Image: Francesco Marino / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Keep in mind that she may just want to be friends with you. This is one of those “When Harry Met Sally” moments, where I have to explain to you that some ladies just want to be friends with a guy, and you respond that guys can’t be friends with girls because in reality, the guy just wants to sleep with the girl. Just because you’re interesting (and better looking than her current partner) doesn’t mean she’s definitely got her eyes set on you for any purpose beyond just getting to know you. Especially if she was willing to get your number at a party where her boyfriend was also in attendance.

Furthermore, unless she gave you her number, she’s the one in control here. You might not even have the chance to pursue her. If she wakes up Monday and realizes getting your number implied something she didn’t mean, she may decide never to call you in the first place.

Keeping this in mind, if you do decide to pursue things with her, you might want to clear the air from the beginning to see what she’s after. Ask her if she intended her advances to be seen as romantic or just friendly, because you noticed she had a significant other at the party. You’ll probably figure out what she’s after pretty quickly without having to ask, but it may be best just to know up front so you don’t spend months chasing after a girl who isn’t playing chase. She may be in that relationship for the long-haul, and you may have no idea what you’re actually up against. Your best route here is to ask her.

Maybe you’re the competitive sort, and even if she has no intention of breaking it off with her bf, you’re going to pursue it romantically anyway. I can’t understand the reason you would put yourself through that sort of hoop-jumping and heartache, but if splitting up couples is your thing, have at it.

One piece of warning here. I’m going to grab a quotation from Othello on this one: “Look to her, Moor, if thou hast eyes to see:/She has deceived her father, and may thee.” That’s Desdemona’s father, Brabantio, warning Othello that if his daughter is capable of deceiving her father, she may very well deceive her husband, too. My take on this is: would you trust a woman who left another man for you, not to leave you for another man? Just something to consider. Maybe you are better looking than her current bf, and maybe you’re more interesting, too. But I doubt you’re the most interesting or good-looking guy she’s going to come across in her life.

Good luck, whatever route you decide to take. She sounds charming and fun, and you may just get a great friendship out of the deal. Maybe she has some hot, actually single friends you could snipe, too — you never know.

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