02
Jun
10

andy warhol.

Reader J. R. L. asks:

How does one become the next Andy Warhol?

Dear J. R. L.:

I’ve done a bit of research into the king of pop art, and I’ve come up with the following 12-step program for you.

1. Get really sick as a child and be an outcast. The convalescence will give you bed-time to draw and improve your art skills. The pain and suffering of being an outcast will give you subject matter. Also, this will get you really close to your mom.

This is not Andy Warhol. Image: Simon Howden / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

2. Go to art school for college. Apparently this is necessary for nearly all famous artists. I think it’s so you can meet people you don’t like and get a job doing arty things you’re not really interested in afterward, but it’s apparently important.

3. Get a job doing arty things you’re not really interested in. Like greeting card design, or making album covers for rock bands. It’s not your own art per se, but it’s arty. Probably in this day and age, you’d be doing graphic design for, like, websites.

4. Use those friends you made in art school to set up an exhibition of your “fine art”.

5. Do something other people are doing art-wise, but do it better. Run with it. Be controversial, but still consumable.

6. Hang out with pseudo-celebrities, writers, filmmakers, weirdos, vagrants, and crazy people who will probably shoot you. But they’ll be good to put on film. And they’ll give you their drugs.

7. Find rich patrons who want you to do stuff for them.

8. Make movies. Movies are everything these days.

9. Have an ambiguous sex life so people can speculate. Is he gay? Is he asexual? What is he?!

10. Have someone try to make an attempt on your life. This will get people to sympathize with you and think that you are a national treasure. How could anyone try to get rid of one of our national treasures?

11. Die of something weird but not scandalous — complications with surgery or a heart arrhythmia.

12.  Have museums founded in your name. (Steps 11 and 12 don’t necessarily have to go in that order.)

13. Optional step: Have parents who are working class immigrants from someplace like Poland. Or Slovakia. Eastern Europe for sure.

Hopefully this will set you on the way to becoming a famous artist, just like Andy Warhol.

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2 Responses to “andy warhol.”


  1. June 2, 2010 at 5:01 pm

    Thanks for the insight. I am afraid I didn’t even make it past step one, I’ve always had excellent health.

  2. June 5, 2010 at 6:32 am

    3. Get a job doing arty things you’re not really interested in. Like greeting card design, or making album covers for rock bands. It’s not your own art per se, but it’s arty. Probably in this day and age, you’d be doing graphic design for, like, websites.
    +1


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