monday one liners

questions questions

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I’ve decided to answer a few of these short ones all in one go. Ready?

Reader D.B. asks:

What’s the best way to dispose of a dead body?

Dear D.B.:

Call the coroner’s office or the morgue. If the person is mysteriously dead, call the police. If you killed ’em, also call the police. Turn yourself in. It’s the right thing to do. And maybe get a lawyer, too.

Reader J. Q. asks:

I’ve been dating my boyfriend for three years and he won’t propose to me, in spite of several big hints. What can I do to get him to marry me?

Dear J.Q.:

Break up with him and find someone who shares your beliefs on marriage. If you try to finagle someone to marry you, it’s just going to get ugly. There is no good way around it. If you care that much about marriage, and he doesn’t, he’s not “the one” and you’d be miserable in five years anyway.

Reader M. D. asks:

I’m taking a girl on a first date this weekend. Do you think it’s better to take a girl to a romantic comedy or an action movie on a first date?

Dear M.D.:

Neither. Skip the movie and get dinner so you can actually talk.

Reader W. K. asks:

What’s the best way to lose weight?

Dear W. K.:

Eat fewer calories and exercise more. It’s the only tried and true method out there.

Keep sending in your questions, folks!


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