10
May
10

first date at a guy’s house?

Reader F. D. asks:

A friend of mine just got out of a terrible relationship, like, a week ago. She met a guy at a party this weekend and they’re already going to have lunch at his place as a first date. Do you think this is too fast? Are there any precautions I should tell her to take?

Dear F. D.:

You’re a good friend to worry a bit about your friend and her “first date”. Especially since she just got out of a bad relationship, she may be in a delicate state, and she probably needs your emotional support more than ever.

At the same time, I don’t think there’s anything you need to worry about in terms of her physical well-being during this first date.

Maybe you don’t trust her taste in men right now, but honestly, if she met the guy when she was sober and is going to meet him during the day when she’s also sober, she’s probably going to be just fine. Serial killers are extremely rare. Let’s keep that in mind.

Probably not what she can expect

This is probably not what's going to happen. Image: FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Also, she may actually want to get a little action. There is absolutely nothing wrong with having consensual sex with someone you’re into, even if you haven’t been on the supposedly requisite three dates or whatever it is. In fact, she may need a good rebound booty call with someone who’s kind and capable of cooking. Let her have some fun. And enjoy her lunch.

That said, if you’re concerned that he may actually be a serial killer, by all means, ask your friend to check in. You probably don’t need to sit outside the house doing surveillance, but tell her you’re going to call or text at a certain time to make sure she’s okay, and all she has to do is respond with a “yes” or “ok” or “hi”. (If she’s having a good time, she probably won’t remember to do the check in herself.) If you want to get really crazy, make up a code word she can say if he is a serial killer and you need to come rescue her. (In that case, you’ll need his address. But I think that’s going overboard.)

In terms of precautions, make sure she knows the neighborhood. If she gets to his place and decides it’s way too scary to stay, she can escape. Remind her she doesn’t owe him anything — sex, her time, whatever. Sometimes we girls need to be reminded that we can make decisions against what is “expected” or “nice”. She can leave abruptly if she needs to. Or she can stay til dinner. Up to her.

And remember that you’re not in charge of her. She has to make her own decisions, regardless of how she’s feeling. You’re not her mother. You don’t need to sit around worrying, either. Expect her to have a good time, and if she doesn’t, be ready to go out to dinner or drinks and talk all about how terrible it was. But not before the date is over.

There is absolutely nothing wrong with having a first date at someone’s house. Sure, it can be a little awkward, especially if the person is a bad housekeeper or something. But two adults having a meal somewhere that they can talk is nothing to be worried about.

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5 Responses to “first date at a guy’s house?”


  1. 1 Lena
    May 10, 2010 at 10:41 am

    My favorite code word for a friend is LOG or 564 on your cell phone. It’s the easiest word to type out cause you can do it without looking. When I get a text that says log, I know to immediately call said friend and make up an excuse as to why she has to leave right then and there. It may be childish but it is effective.

  2. 2 Safety Boy
    May 10, 2010 at 11:58 am

    Concerned individuals can research recent technological advances in sexual safety:

    http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Anti-rape_device

    Seriously, though, a woman can tell a friend/roommate the address that she’s going to. The friend can call at a set time (perhaps 20 minutes after the date is supposed to start). If the person on the date doesn’t pick up the phone, the friend can investigate or call the police.

  3. 3 Consuelo
    May 10, 2010 at 12:32 pm

    You guys watch entirely too many horror movies.

  4. 4 shell
    May 10, 2010 at 1:11 pm

    lunch picnic at a public park. unless she’s huge or armed.

  5. 5 Carlos
    June 15, 2010 at 11:19 pm

    Good advice. Refreshing.


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