male cologne

Reader D. V. asks:

Male cologne – yay or nay? What I mean is, do women prefer a man’s natural scent or cologne?

Dear D.V.:

Let’s be clear here. Women do not prefer a man’s natural scent. I’m going to throw that one out there. Evolutionary psychology aside, and regardless of pheromones, stink is stink. Yes, I know, I’m not leaving any room for the earthy girls, or the girls who are into weird stuff, or whatever. But let’s face facts: if you have BO, it’s icky. It’s embarrassing. “Au naturel” is not typically the answer. Okay?


Now regarding the question as to whether a woman would prefer that a guy smell like cologne or nothing at all… well, that’s up to the woman, of course. I know, that’s a cop out. And not very good advice. So let’s do a DO and DON’T section!

DO: wear deodorant. Old Spice is really nice. Just having a whiff of it when you’re cuddling can bring about lots of nice, pleasant thoughts in a lady friend. It reminds us of our dads, and not in a weird way. There are plenty of nice, manly deodorants out there that work wonders. Of course, it doesn’t have to smell… just the fact that you don’t have overpowering, adolescent BO will make us quite pleased. I promise.

DON’T: Spray Axe Body Spray all over yourself. Anywhere, actually. We have bad assocations with their terrible commercials. Furthermore, haven’t you seen that “Taking Douchebag Back” video, with the guy at the end spraying the body spray? Don’t be a douchebag. Overkill of anything sucks. Which is another don’t…

DON’T: Spray more than two spritzes of any cologne anywhere on your body. The expensive stuff is particularly strong and will last you plenty with one or two spritzes. You can do what the smart girls do and spray the cologne ahead of you, then walk into it. That gives you just a hint of scent (like that rhyming job? I do, too).

DO: Find a scent you like. Go to Sephora. They have a guy’s section. Sniff around until you find something that you wouldn’t mind smelling every day. Chances are the ladies you like will enjoy it, too. My personal favorites are Hugo Boss and Jean Paul Gaultier’s “Le Male”.  Splurge on the $60 bottle — it’ll last you forever.

DON’T: Think cologne can replace a shower. It can’t. There may be nothing more nauseating than the smell of manstink covered up with an overpowering cologne. Trust me.

DO: Figure out what the girl you’re into likes. If she’s allergic to stuff, she’s probably not going to enjoy being accosted by perfume every time she sees you. Otherwise, if things work out, she’ll probably start associating your smell with nice things. We do that. It’s evolutionary psychology.


5 Responses to “male cologne”

  1. 1 Consuelo
    May 4, 2010 at 5:13 pm

    Stinky pheromones FTW!

  2. May 4, 2010 at 6:31 pm

    Oh puh-lease. A man’s natural scent is so much better. Sweat is what the chicks dig, ya hear? A man’s natural scent infused into shoes, however, makes things even tastier. Love ya, Katz

  3. 3 Lena
    May 10, 2010 at 10:48 am

    My husband won me over by always joking that he naturally smelled like vanilla. In reality, he doesn’t but it was so original that I played along.

  4. 4 El Jefe
    May 12, 2010 at 6:54 am

    What about scents we happen across naturally that aren’t BO? I know that, owing to the car I drive, a lot of the time I smell like leather with a tiny hint of exhaust.

    My wife is, naturally, too nice to tell me whether she thinks I stink or not.

    • May 12, 2010 at 8:47 am

      Leather smell is nice. As long as she’s not a vegan. Oil smell? Not so much. I wonder about that myself. My mascara right now smells like rubber (ick). I hope no one else notices.

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