27
Apr
10

vajazzle?

Reader J.H. asks:

I recently heard about the phenomenon of “Vajazzling”, and was wondering how ladies feel about it. As a guy, I think I would be freaked out if I ever came across it.

Dear J.H.:

First, we must define terms here.

According to Wikipedia (the most reliable source EVER):

decor?

Imagine these, but all over your hoo haa. Image: Salvatore Vuono / FreeDigitalPhotos.net


Vajazzling is a spa treatment that involves decorating the skin (mons pubis) above the female genitalia with Swarovski crystals and letter stickers. Actress Jennifer Love Hewitt brought the term into the public domain when she used it as the name and topic of a chapter in her book, The Day I Shot Cupid (2010). The name is a portmanteau of the words vagina and the “as seen on TV” product the “Bedazzler“. The procedure was popularized by the Completely Bare Spa in New York City.

If we take this definition apart piece by piece, I can come up with at least a few reasons why I would personally avoid this process like the plague:

– Swarovski crystals ain’t cheap.

– “Letter stickers”? Are we seven?

– Jennifer Love Hewitt always looks like she’s going to cry.

– The “Bedazzler” makes me ill just by merit of its existence.

Of course, this is a personal taste issue here. Every woman (and every dude) is going to have a different take on this. Some ladies are totally into spending tons and tons of money on a procedure that probably won’t last longer than a week at most. I can’t imagine it lasting even that long, given the amount of rubbage from underoos and other clothing items that normal people’s mons pubises must go through. Perhaps the concubine of a wealthy sultan in a very warm nation could stand around naked for several months and the Vajazzle would last, but most of us don’t have that kind of time or the willingness to stand out in the cold shivering to protect our Swarovski crystal glue-ons. Also, there’s showering to consider.

The fascination with decorating our vaginas is extremely interesting to me. I understand the utility of a clit piercing — more stimulation, right? But sheer decoration, with no real purpose or residual pleasure, baffles me a bit. You can’t even blame the Vajazzle on personal grooming, like you can with a Brazilian wax or shaving (“It feels cleaner!”). And furthermore, can you even see it without the aid of a hand mirror?

We’ve seen this before to some extent with the rise (small though it was) of pubic hair designs and dyeing, a trend that’s apparently huge in Brazil. (I seriously want to study pubic hair in Brazil. There must be a grant for it somewhere. It’s clearly a sociological issue that needs a case study, at least.) I can understand how it might be liberating to trim your pubes in a design of your choosing, a design that few or no other people may ever see.

But gluing crystals to your snatch seems a little far fetched. And perhaps even dangerous.

Is it feminist to want your coochie snorcher to look like a princess? Does it make you feel more confident throughout the day? Or is it just about doing something a bit scandalous that could titillate a partner upon “discovering” your Vajazzle? And is that inherently feminist in any way?

I think I’ll chalk this one up to people with too much money and time on their hands, but I’d like to hear what some of my fellow lady friends think.

Girls?

Oh, and guys — what would you do if you got down to bidness with a lady and discovered she had, like, your name above her vajayjay, spelled out in crystals?

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6 Responses to “vajazzle?”


  1. 1 Chris
    April 27, 2010 at 10:09 am

    Well I for one would be freaked out by seeing my name spelled out in weird shiny crystals over a woman’s vagazzled vagina. But I’m old fashioned that way.

  2. 2 jayem
    April 27, 2010 at 11:55 am

    I can’t say I would do this myself, but I don’t have a lot of money and I can think of a lot better things to do with my money… for me anyhow. I did see a girl with 5 gems in a line under her ear the other day. I think this is an embedded piercing. Frankly, I am wondering if this would be Vajazzeling if it were on the vajayjay. Or maybe it is the next personal area decoration. Who knows.

  3. 3 Kerrie
    April 27, 2010 at 12:58 pm

    NO. WAY.

    However, I can see why women would do it. Discomfort, infection, mutilation are nothing new in terms of sacrifice they will endure for fashion.

  4. 4 Ecco
    April 27, 2010 at 5:42 pm

    It just seems like another in a long line of efforts to turn women into corporate event table centerpieces, and belongs exclusively in the mardigras costume aisle next to feather fans and nipple tassels.

    I on the other hand, ride a bike.

  5. 5 Consuelo
    April 29, 2010 at 7:05 pm

    I’m sorry Kat but Bedazzlers are awesome. And so are vaginas. Combine the two? Well you know…

  6. May 9, 2010 at 10:43 am

    @Chris & Kerrie: 100%. Sounds horrifying, uncomfortable and prepubescent. If for reasons beyond me I pulled off my lady’s pants to find that, I’d clean my dating-filter immediately.


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