01
Apr
10

making a baby.

Reader A. F. asks:

I want to get pregnant. My boyfriend doesn’t want children. I don’t really want children, but I really really want to be pregnant. Pregnant women are just awesome. I feel like my BF is denying me a right I deserve. What should I do?

Dear A.F.:

I am a firm believer in a woman’s right to choose to have a baby. I have some great ideas about how you can get yourself knocked up.

Everyone wants one of these! Image: Maggie Smith / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

These have worked for centuries (or, well, at least the last half century or so), and are surefire ways for you to get exactly what you want!

Poke pinholes in the condoms.

If you use condoms, that is. I mean, I know most people in a “committed” relationship forgo the condoms.  Anyway, you can do this without even taking them out of the package. Just poke a pin right through it. He’ll never know. Unless the condom breaks.

Quit taking your pills.

If you’re in a committed relationship, you’re probably on birth control. Just quit taking the stuff and don’t tell him. Most dudes are totally clueless and would rather not know anyway. If you’re not taking bc, and you’re not using condoms, you can just lie to him when he asks if you’ve gone to get the Plan B. Whammo!

Cheat.

If he won’t give you what you want, of course you should get it from someone else. There are plenty of irresponsible guys in the world who would love to knock a woman up, whether they know that’s the plan or not. Sex is easy to get as a girl, especially unprotected sex. And unprotected sex makes babies.

Good luck!

Advertisements

9 Responses to “making a baby.”


  1. 1 Zach Keller
    April 1, 2010 at 12:08 pm

    Wow… you couldn’t just simply say, talk to your boyfriend, and or DUMP HIM and start a relationship with someone that wants the same things in life that you do? Speaking as a male, all of this advice is terrifying, and I pray that someone doesn’t take you completely seriously while reading this…

  2. 3 Kerrie
    April 1, 2010 at 12:12 pm

    mwahahaha…. awesome. Good one.

  3. 4 Lena
    April 1, 2010 at 12:27 pm

    best advice ever! I’m gonna use this one on my boyfriend! Thanks Kat!

  4. 5 Jayem
    April 1, 2010 at 12:59 pm

    And then once you are done with being pregnant, just leave the hospital without the baby. That way you don’t have to be a parent… and you can work on getting pregnant again.

  5. 6 Mike Long
    April 1, 2010 at 1:03 pm

    Holy crap Kat, please tell me that this post is dripping with sarcasm and I’m just not picking it up…

    “I don’t really want children, but I really really want to be pregnant.” This chick needs therapy and the last thing the world needs is another mouth to feed because some dumb cunt thinks being preggo is just like, so totally awesome! I would at least recommend that she seriously look into being a surrogate for someone. Nine months of knocked up bliss without the 18 year hangover.

    But what do I know? I’m just some dude who had a chick lie to him about being on birth control to get pregnant, then had a restraining order filed against him so he gets to pay child support without ever knowing his kid.

    Go feminism!

    • April 1, 2010 at 1:08 pm

      whoa whoa whoa this is kind of funny, but in a sad way. all the guys i know are really freaking out about this.
      okay, i think i can ruin the post, but THIS IS AN APRIL FOOL’S DAY JOKE.
      the ideas outlined in here are so completely immoral i don’t even know where to begin with them. i do know of women who have done this. and i think they probably deserve to be punched in the nose at the least, and sent to jail at the worst.
      but if you can see it in your heart to find it sarcastic (and thus somewhat funny), maybe you can take it a little lighter. especially as it’s coming from me… the least pro-get-pregnant-irresponsibly girl in the universe.

      • 8 Mike Long
        April 1, 2010 at 1:15 pm

        Ha! Nicely done ma’am. You had me hook, line, and sinker. I will resume being a fan of your blogs now. (Sorry for saying “cunt”). =)

      • April 1, 2010 at 1:27 pm

        hahahaha no worries, we reclaimed “cunt” in the vagina monologues anyway.


Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s


post everyone else likes best

topics i’ve written about

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Join 195 other followers


%d bloggers like this: