sexy lingerie… a primer for dudes

This is going to be a fun one!

Reader R.B. asks:

I’m going to be going on a special date with a girl I’ve been seeing for a while. She told me that she’d be buying some lingerie for the occasion and I’d like to return the favor, but I’ve never bought anything but Gap boxer-briefs. Help!!

When I originally read this question, I thought R.B. was asking about how to buy lingerie for a girl. That led to a long and wonderful post (which I’m keeping below) about what to and what not to do when buying knickers for a lady friend.

Buying undies for yourself as a guy is, however, a different question altogether.

Underoos for Men

Truth be told: women’s undies are way more fun than men’s. And we have a lot more options. But furthermore, guys look straight up dead sexy in cotton boxer briefs. They fit better than regular boxers, and they’re not as weird as tighty whiteys. So it’s okay to just get a pair of black boxer briefs (I say black because it’s ultimately the hottest color for undies) and rock ’em.


Hot hot hot hot HOT!

Of course, they’re not terribly fancy.

Silk boxers are a nice way to go if you want a touch of the fancy. They breathe well and they feel fantastic. Any major department store ought to have a nice selection. But be careful — silk boxers can get pricey. A quick internet search reveals they can get into the $60 range pretty quickly.

For the uber sexy feel, go for silk boxer briefs. Get it? Silk + boxer brief = uber sexy. You can go a step further and get a silk undershirt, too. Like a cami+panty set for girls, wearing a matching set of undershirt+boxer briefs for guys can add a touch of real luxury to your outfit. I mean, just look at this guy. Silk undershirt and silk boxers? Can we say de luxe? Rrrrowr. Neiman Marcus, Bloomingdale’s, or any other major (expensive) department store is a great place to pick up a set of silk.

Although I specifically advise against Frederick’s of Hollywood below because their ladies’ things are generic and terrible, they happen to be one of the few places in an American mall that will most likely have a row of silk boxer shorts.  Or they used to be. If there’s nothing at the department stores, you can sneak into Frederick’s as necessary.

But if spending $58 on a pair of shorts doesn’t appeal to you, it ends up that there’s other slinky stuff guys can wear to feel and look terribly hot. Nylon boxer briefs can be every bit as fun as silk and come in some fantastic colors and designs at about half the price. Check out what they’ve got at HisRoom.com.

Again, if you can’t order stuff online due to time crunch, department stores are the way to go. Calvin Klein and 2xist make some pretty good stuff, you and you can find them at almost any of the department stores.

Bottom line on boy lingerie: just wearing something you don’t wear every day will make you feel sexier. Go for something higher quality than you normally get. Exult in how it feels under even your oldest tee shirt and jeans. If you want to be really funny, you can go all Emperor’s New Clothes and free ball it. That’s “new lingerie”, too.

Underoos for Ladies

I’m going to make up a statistic here, because 91% of all statistics are made up on the spot: 67% of all dudes would prefer a lady in lingerie to a naked chick. And by “prefer” I mean “get all hot and bothered for”.  There’s a lot of heat surrounding the idea of seeing a girl in her skivvies. The voyeuristic fetishism of the whole thing is definitely part of it, but there’s also the fact that women’s lingerie is often made out of some of the softest, silkiest, most tantalizing materials in the universe. Add to that the push-up, obscure, divide, and conquer aspects, and boy is there a lot to love.

Of course, buying underoos for someone else is a daunting task. You know what you like, but what about the other person? And there’s the consideration of cost. Ladies’ undies are far more pricey than men’s (there’s a lot more that goes into them, as illustrated above). So what do I recommend?

The first rule of buying undies for a lady: Do not attempt to buy a bra for her unless you know her exact size and/or have been together for

Burn the bras! Burn them!

Bra burning. Yes.

longer than a year. Bras are expensive. They’re also not necessarily sexy. (They serve an actual purpose, you know.) And the effect you’re going for is her going “ooooh!” not “damn, I have to return this.” In the same vein, avoid stuff that isn’t free-flowing in general. Boning, clasps, and buttons are all things that can cause a problem if they’re the wrong size. With panties or camisoles, you can generalize Small, Medium, Large, XLarge, and if you buy her a size bigger or smaller than she is, it’s not necessarily a huge deal.

Next rule: Avoid Victoria’s Secret, Frederick’s of Hollywood, Target, and Wal-Mart. You may not group the latter two with the first two, but trust me — their cookie-cutter lingerie isn’t all that sweet. Sure, they sell sex, but it’s not necessarily well-made or interesting. Generally the stuff at these places is mass-produced and ill-fitting. Trust me.

Third rule: Stick to natural materials. Cotton, silk, and lace go much further than polyester and nylon. You’re much less likely to incur an allergic reaction, too. Avoid latex especially (not just condoms — some lingerie has a latex lining to help keep the stuff in place. If your lady friend is allergic, she’ll get blisters. I’ve seen it happen.) Keep it simple! You want a material that will breathe. I don’t care what sexy thing you find that’s made out of foam rubber — get her something comfortable.

Final rule: Stretch lace. This stuff is awesome. It looks good on EVERYONE. The stretch means it doesn’t cut off your love handles anywhere or create a bulge, and the lace means it looks … well … sexy.

On that note, I’m going to recommend you buy the lady friend a thong from Hanky Panky. Usually, I hate thongs, with a passion. But these are comfortable, sexy, and awesomely affordable. Plus, if you don’t like thongs, Hanky Panky also sells boy shorts, bikini briefs… you name it, they make it. Yeah, it’s nylon, but the lace factor makes it totally breathable. (And, uh, affordable.)

If you want to go really high end, my favorite stop for lingerie is Mary Green.  This San Francisco-based shop has been featured on Oprah and in basically every ladies’ glamour mag you can name. And for good reason. Most of what they hock is silk — it doesn’t get sexier than that. The quality is top notch. You can get cute cami+panty sets in the sales section of the Website for a very reasonable price, too.

Another winning way to go for lingerie is the garter belt-stocking combo. Stockings are imminently sexy, especially the very very sheer thigh highs held in place by a silk garter belt, and they tend to be one-size-fits all. Bonus points for originality here, guys. I highly recommend a sheer, black thigh high with a seam, and a black garter belt. My favorite place to shop online for these is Stockingirl. They have loads of colors, materials, and options, so you can customize for your lady friend. (And the models are hot, too.)

mmm stockings

Stockings are a always great choice.

Of course, if you’re pressed for time, you’re going to have to skip the online shopping. Luckily, most lingerie stores worth their weight in salt carry these brands, or other ones that are awesome. Higher-end department stores (Bloomingdale’s, Bergdorff Goodman) will carry a brand or two, as well.

In Albuquerque, I like to go to Seventh Goddess (sorry, they don’t have an online store). It’s owned by ladies. And they have a sex shop in the back.

I know that R.B. is a rather adventurous fellow, so my favorite suggestion is just go into a small shop (especially in, say, Manhattan) and ask the lady behind the counter what she likes. Those small shop clerks usually really know what they’re talking about. And it’s a great time to practice your flirtation skills. Bonus points: they’ll probably wrap it for you.

Enjoy the shopping. I’m jealous of the lady friend!


4 Responses to “sexy lingerie… a primer for dudes”

  1. 1 naeiri
    March 5, 2010 at 2:20 pm

    frederick’s doesn’t sell men’s underclothing at all. and if you knew the rigorous & lengthy fit process EACH of our items go through, you wouldn’t be so quick to claim everything is ill-fitting & mass produced. we actually don’t buy the huge quantities you’re probably thinking we do, & we are diligent with our factories & our vendors’ factories. and we have very few of what you’d call “cookie cutter” styles.. there’s a lot of thought, effort, & creativity that goes into each style.

    • March 5, 2010 at 4:35 pm

      as i admitted in the piece, it’s been a few years since i visited frederick’s, and i can believe there’s a rigorous design process that goes into everything, and being a creative person myself, i understand what it’s like to work hard on these things. just from glancing at the website, i can tell the frederick’s image has changed in the past few years. i’m glad to hear it’s not all quantity over quality. but i’d like to know if anyone who’s shopped there — rather than worked there — can weigh in on the fit these days.

  2. 3 JS
    March 8, 2010 at 2:55 pm

    Just thought I’d chime in after a little thought. I love wearing sexy lingerie for my man, and sometimes wish he could do something sexy too. But, honestly, the thought of him wearing anything sexy makes me laugh way more than it turns me on. Some men just look best natural. That being said, there’s a lot they can do to make an evening sexy. For example, if the post date play time is happening at his place he could buy some super soft sheets – satin if he wants, or even a nice high thread count Egyptian cotton, maybe with a sateen finish. Buy some flowers to have in the room, and a few candles to set the mood. Anything that shows you’ve put some thought and effort in to making this a special, sexy event, goes a long way.

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